Coming Clean in a Filthy World

An ADHD diagnosis, mental health discussion, and erotica.

Brain picture indicating ADHD and mental health
Image credit agsandrew at depositphotos

My ADHD story.

A wise person told me today that just because I’m “only” an erotica writer doesn’t mean I can’t use my platform to inspire and make a difference. This person is right, and I’ve decided to open up about a part of my life. I have many misgivings about sharing my story based on comments I have seen other writers make, but I hope this can reach just one person at the right time.

Last summer I got a surprise later-in-life ADHD diagnosis. I’ve blogged about this under a different pen name, and since I value privacy, I won’t get too detailed on how the diagnosis happened. Previously, I lived a mediocre life. I struggled with work, home life — everything. I had bouts of depression from a young age which lead to an incorrect diagnosis of bipolar 2. Later I found out woman with ADHD commonly go years being misdiagnosed and recent research shows a lack of recognition of ADHD symptoms in women which compounds the issue. The pandemic and other personal life factors led me to seek a psychiatrist again after not being on any mood stabilizing medication for over 10 years, and I am beyond grateful I did.

In the past, I accepted my life would never get better. I recognized something was wrong with me because everyday things other people found easy to do; I found impossible. Learning to hide my issues from the world, no one noticed my struggle. I held down a job, paid my bills on time, maintained a successful relationship — my definition of living well — and I found contentment. But close friends didn’t understand why I didn’t get my shit together and do something with my potential.

I attempted writing twice in my life; once in my 20s and again in my early 30s. And by attempt, I mean I had all these story ideas, but after getting 10 pages down I would give up. Making up stories has always been a favorite pasttime, and I enjoy exploring people’s motivations. I continually ran fantasies in my head and relived everything that happened with alternate endings, but I considered them daydreams.

After my diagnosis and getting on medication, I didn’t attempt writing at all since I was too busy marveling at the fact my brain was making the connection from having a thought, to executing the steps, and then being able to finish a project. I’ve tried to explain to other people what I mean, and it’s difficult. But I could always see point A (my grand plans), sometimes I could visualize point C (the goal), but darkness shadowed the path for B. Medication lit up the pathways for me with stunning results.

I honestly didn’t realize how disabling my ADHD was until I’ve seen the person I have become after diagnosis. I amaze myself every day. In November a friend told me I should try nanowrimo and I fucking blew that thing out of the park. I had written nothing in years and the floodgates opened. I’ve been writing every day since.

I know I’m new to writing, though my life experiences and being an avid reader for years helps me. I am having a ton of fun writing erotica and it’s helped forge the path ahead in the direction I want to be as a writer. At some point, I will transition to steamy romances. I still have a lot to learn yet, but I am progressing my skills as a writer with every short story release.

I appreciate everyone who reads my work. Time is precious in life, so knowing people are spending their downtime to read what I’ve written is humbling. I love that I’ve found a welcoming reader and writing community that doesn’t shun oddness. I embraced mine a long time ago, but it’s fun to interact with other people who aren’t afraid to show their quirky traits.

And also let’s face it, erotica lovers are a diverse bunch and we love ourselves because of it. Seeing the comment from NASA saying aliens probably aren’t fuckable, and the amount of people responding “challenge accepted” drove the point home that no matter what you want to write, you will find an audience.

So if anyone who is reading this is uncertain if you should write, or if you can — grab your pen or keyboard and try. Embrace your crazy, kinky side and explore who you are and enjoy the journey. You never know where it might lead.



P.S. If you’re looking for some steamy romantic alien erotica short stories, you can check me out on Amazon.

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